February 22, 2012
He looked so dapper on Monday as my Mom stacked his round body, wrapped his scarf, and placed a black hat atop his head. While I peeled wet socks from little feet to make lunch, my Mom stayed outside and built her first snowman of the season. (You’d never guess we lived in the mountains, we’ve had such little snow this winter.)
Doesn’t it make you smile that my Mom is perfectly happy building a snowman all by herself? I wish we’d taken a picture. He was so put-together. Kind of like you and me when we get a shower before children wake. We’re dressed, hair done, ready to start the day.
Well, this is how he looked today.
Can you relate?
My Mom went out this morning to put his hat back on, but when she did, his head fell off! Oh the metaphor. I am running with it.
I feel like this so often at the end of the day.
I’m trying to smile but my smile is forced, crooked. My posture is droopy, I’m rolling my eyes at this and that, one arm hangs down, limp. I am a tired, saggy mess. And sometimes, with one last burden – one final event – like my boys finding jelly hearts on the highest kitchen shelf and pulling down scissors to snip the bag (be still my heart), Eliza and Ali bickering over something silly that turns into a kicking and hitting fight, a urine puddle in the middle of the boys’ carpet because they took of their diapers, again. One last proverbial straw, and I lose my head.
Or worse, other heads start rolling.
Well, my Mom stuck his head back on, took this picture, then emailed it to all her kids this morning with her own analogy about the droopy snowman. I love that she gets motherhood – she totally gets it.
I’m going to take myself less seriously tonight, when I think of her snowman, and an army of mothers out there trying to hold it together.
Wishing I could lift up your hands when they hang down. xo
Marian
Thank you for posting this today. It hit the spot. Hope you have a wonderful day!
LizzyP
Your metaphors are so worth the time you spend spelling them out. Really, thank you, because I giggled over this one.
catharvy
Marain – Hoping you are well. You are a dear person.
Liz – You fill my bucket so often. Bless you.
Anne Marie
Cath, I love this little image of a droopy snowman and your thoughts about it. The way you wrote about it is just plain funny…"other heads start rolling"…that's just perfect. I think that's just adorable that your mom built a snowman.
Cath, you are amazing. I really, really do wish I could come over and help with something, anything. The stage of life you're at right now (especially with so many little ones) is SO intense. So many needs, so many things happening all the time. Yes, there is so much joy, and I know that you have eyes to see that (far more than almost anyone I know), but there is an unrelenting nature to it all.
Just this week, I prayed and thought over and over, "please take the pieces of what I've offered my kids as a mother and please let that be enough". I have had some moments of self-discovery that have humbled me and opened my eyes to some of my biggest weaknesses (and unfortunately, my kids are not immune to their effects). I have felt so broken as a mom. I can definitely relate to the idea of trying to stick one's head back on:).
You are definitely loving those sweet kids of yours and giving them a very, very good life. They are so lucky. Wishing you moments to catch your breath.
Love you.
Anne Marie
I will reply to your sweet e-mail tomorrow. I was hoping to write more today, but my messy life is pulling me back:) Thinking of you. xo
Angie
LOVED the picture Cath!!! All the sweet pictures of your precious ones! Thanks!
catharvy
Anne Marie – "The unrelenting nature of it all." You pegged it. You understand. And this? "'Please take the pieces of what I've offered my kids as a mother and please let that be enough." Oh that makes me weep, truly. When I read it, it cut to the deepest core of inadequacy I feel almost daily. Please, please, please let it be enough. I'm sorry for the broken-ness you have felt. But think of these words from WB Yeats, "Nothing can be sole or whole that has not been rent." Another thought… I was told by my friend Kristen that Catherine Thomas' book, "Light in the Wilderness" is an excellent read for tackling any guilt or inadequacy we might feel in our lives. Apparently, she helps you see how all the injustices or grievances (as you have called them) are used by God for our becoming. I've tried to get a copy but it it appears to be already out of print! Bah! You can only find them from private sellers. Anyhow, maybe we can round up some copies. I love you. Thanks for your encouraging words. They have meant so much to me.
Ang – Sure miss you!!! When are you off to Germany?
Elizabeth
I love this.
I sure have plenty of those moments, too. Always makes me feel better that we all do. I'm not a lost cause!
bostonshumways
Cath, I feel like a "tired, saggy mess" tonight, so thanks for this. I feel understood in my headless motherhood attempts.
You are wonderful and we loved loved loved getting your card in the mail. It's so fun to get mail over here! Thanks for sending something all this way.
Love to everyone there.
Becca
That same day mom sent the pic to all of us, I found myself finishing a load of laundry as Neil ran off to play basketball and we'd finally put the boys to sleep. Neil started the wash, and I was off to complete it only to find that a pull-up had made it's way in with the boys clothes, and well, it came out of the wash, in pieces. I had to shake clumps of gel out of the clothes as I transferred them to the dryer. Mind you, this is not the first time a pull-up has made it's way in the wash. You'd think we would have learned our lesson the first time. But no….at that moment, at the end of the day I too felt my head had finally fallen off.
catharvy
Elizabeth – Not a lost cause! To be sure! xo
Saydi – I know you get it. Completely. "headless motherhood" – ah yes. And so glad your Valentine arrived. I have a book list to send you as well – but I may wait until you're back in the states. Unless you'd like it now. Do you want it now?
Bec – Gah. The diaper/pull-up gel balls. They're the worst! So sorry!! That's definitely a headless moment. 😉 Love you.
Mimi
Love this! Motherhood too often leaves me drooping at the end of the day too – we really are like this ragged snowman. Luckily the snow falls again and we have the chance to put ourselves together as we strive to tackle the challenges that come with each new day.